When I was eight my mom rushed me to the hospital with severe stomach pain…it was quickly determined that I would need an emergency appendectomy. Because everything had to move quickly, I was not yet asleep when they wheeled me into the OR - my eyes grew wide with fear seeing the massive overhead lights shining down on me, the trays upon trays of shiny sharp medical instruments, and a whole swack of unrecognizable adults in surgical masks, caps, and gowns. I recall a nurse saying, ‘you’ll be fine, dear’, from above my head somewhere, but that was the extent of reassurance in the room before I was told to count from 10 down. I came through the surgery without complication but the fear I’d felt has remained.

Flash forward to last month when I was having a scheduled hysterectomy…being an adult and it not being an emergency meant that protocol was to walk me into the OR and have me lay myself down on the gurney. So, there I was - eight years old again, scared and feeling alone (not to mention the additional worries associated with now being a mom), I felt my eyes fill with tears. My wonderful surgeon had been standing near the end of the bed, chatting with me and with his team, when the anesthesiologist came over to explain what he was going to do and how it would feel…and that was when my surgeon, recognizing my fear, came over to my other side and held my hand. MY SURGEON HELD MY HAND. (I’ve had a handful of surgeries over the years and I guarantee you that I’ve never had the surgeon hold my hand.) We chatted about the pizza place we both love, what our go-to orders are, my son’s badminton tryout that morning and how I’d hoped it had gone well for him, he told me how much he likes badminton, and then, with a calm and caring smile, he told me that they would take good care of me...and I believed him as I drifted off to sleep. I can’t tell you how much his compassion in that moment meant, and means, to me.

The above is a more dramatic example of something that I notice all the time…that when we take the extra moment to * listen * and to show we actually care about another and THEIR experience - because we all experience things differently - it has a hugely positive impact on everyone involved. These moments of compassion result in a beautiful ripple effect, providing both tangible and intangible ‘goodness’.

New studies are proving that compassion is indeed good for us, physically good for us! “A brain-imaging study led by neuroscientists at the National Institutes of Health showed that the “pleasure centers” in the brain—i.e., the parts of the brain that are active when we experience pleasure (like dessert, money, and sex)—are equally active when we observe someone giving money to charity as when we receive money ourselves!…one additional way in which compassion may boost our well-being is by increasing our sense of connection to others. One telling study showed that lack of social connection is a greater detriment to health than obesity, smoking, and high blood pressure. On the flip side, strong social connection leads to a 50 percent increased chance of longevity. Social connection strengthens our immune system (research by Cole shows that genes impacted by social connection are also involved in immune function and inflammation), helps us recover from disease faster, and may even lengthen our life.” (1) A new book “Compassionomics: The Revolutionary Scientific Evidence that Caring Makes a Difference”, “uncover(s) the eye-opening data that compassion could be a wonder drug for the 21st century.”  It was fascinating to see Dr. Mazzarelli , co-author of the book, interviewed and to hear about the scientific AND anecdotal evidence of compassion’s work.

While the above examples and stories are medical-specific, instances of compassion abound:

• What about the time you were nervous to meet with your accountant because you’d had some financial setbacks that you perceived, rightly or wrongly, were your fault and they treated you compassionately…or didn’t?

• What abut the time you confided in a friend that you’d done something outside of your value system and they supported you with compassionate friendship (being lovingly honest and compassionate are not exclusive) vs shaming you?

• What about the time you accidentally spilled a container of blueberries all over the supermarket floor and the manager was quick to help with a smile and reassurance that ‘these things happen’?

• What about the time you donated to or volunteered for a cause you truly believed in and how that made you feel?

• What about the time that you gathered allllll of your courage to raise your hand and voice to say “I’m suffering”…and you were met with compassion?

• What about the time your child found an injured bird on their walk home and you not only show compassion for them but you also go back to help the bird?

• What about the time a student is struggling and afraid to tell his or her teacher that they need extra help with friends, or math, or ….?

• What about all the times you were made to feel not alone, and the difference that made?

• What about all the times you made another feel not alone, and the difference that made?

…the beneficial ripples of every act of compassion can be felt throughout society and, collectively —>

the more we behave compassionately, the more compassionate our society becomes.

This topic really speaks to me, not only personally but also professionally…How many women are unhappy with their appearance? For how many does the thought of being in pictures induce a hearty ‘helllll noooooo!’? How many have put others first for so.damned.long. that the thought of doing something good for themselves seems selfish? (Note: self-care is NOT selfish…put your oxygen masks on first, friends!) I can say without hesitation that the opportunity to invite women into my studio has everything to do with my desire to lift them up, and practically nothing to do with my SEO ranking.

I’m not perfect. I can point to specific instances when I let other shit get in the way of me acting compassionately, either knowingly or not…I remember going on a spontaneous trip to Edmonton to see friends even though my mom was ill and my dad was out of town - she didn’t ask me to stay but the tears in her eyes when I left will forever haunt my selfish-20 year old self (insert: I am practicing self-compassion in this area). I know too that there are times I can’t specifically point to in which I failed. That said, I can also point to times in my life that I have, without thought, acted compassionately …like the time I slept with my grandma during the days following my Pop’s death - 2 AM held: chats & tears; looking for ‘lost’ things; reminiscing; and quietly sitting by the fire downstairs, with our warm milk, not unlike they might have done together. What I know to be true is that in ALL instances - the times I didn’t and the times I did - I felt it.

I guess what I’m saying is that these micro-moments of connection are really important. They’re important at the grocery store, in the kitchen, on the playground, in the classroom, in the operating room, at the boardroom table, over coffee, when someone dies, when we’re unsure of our next steps; they’re important whether it’s spilled blueberries or after a diagnosis; they’re important whether you’re the parent, surgeon, teacher, accountant, or photographer…we need for people to show, authentically, that they care. These micro-moments impact not only our daily lives but also our health and the health of our loved ones. We are stronger, healthier, and happier when we choose to act compassionately and it’s contagious!

So, here’s to choosing compassion - for others and ourselves…it’s in our nature and it’s really good for us taboot!

xo Lori

(1) https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/compassionate_mind_healthy_body